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May 12thIt?s Team Meeting again. He?s next to me and he?s trying to play footsie, the sick fucker. But then everything he does is ?the sick fucker? lately. Posting that he enjoys bird watching? Sick fucker. He?s gardening? The sicko. Throwing a party for close friends? Sick. Adopted a rescue cat? Makes me sick. You get the point.But I can?t hate him for long because I want him to keep playing footsie with me, showing me that, while he might flirt with most of the women here, I?m special. He might have a girlfriend and he might not be willing to leave her, but at this moment it doesn?t matter. It?s just us.It would be easy for him to pretend it was just an accidental brushing of the feet, but he looks at me and does it again. I pull my feet under the seat so as not to drive myself into an obvious frenzy.?So Caleb, are you not rocking the Judaism?? He jokes to the guy across the table. I laugh too loudly. But everyone else is laughing too so I don?t think anyone noticed. That, and I?m just generally weird so this isn?t out of character for me.The soups are served. I comment on the broth.?Brooooothh. You say that word Ataşehir Escort funny,? he says. Must he make fun of everything I do??And how is it supposed to be pronounced then?? I retort.?Broth. But I guess any word can sound strange if you say it enough.?The conversation turns to backpacking trips. I perk up at the mention of NOLS, National Outdoor Leadership School. I then have some flashbacks of my time there. Cough syrup, strip mall parking lot, crazy eyes dreadlocks, cigarette, a large man looming over me (why am I on the ground?) telling me how I?ll never understand true pain.?I worked there for a long time.? He says. ?You did it too? Wyoming? Wind river???Yeah crazy days,? I manage.?Tell me about it.? He does that thing again where it?s just us.?Well?we were deep in there. The woods. We were going deep. Into the thick of it.? Into the thick of it? What am I saying??Yeah, deep, really?? He?s smiling like I?m some kind of joke. Is this just a joke to you, Dave? His face is the smirk emoji.It?s like I just announced it to the table. I want your thick dick in me and I Ataşehir Escort Bayan want it as deep as you can go. Say something else, anything!?Maybe we even crossed paths while I was there like two ships in the night,? I say. Now I?m a poet, great. Could I be more obvious? He starts to say something then stops, blushing hard.?What? What were you going to say???Nothing, it?s nothing.? He stammers, looking down. Strange man indeed, this guy who will say anything and I?ve got him speechless. Hah.When I leave he says something about how we should talk more about our wilderness experiences. Back in the car, I?m worked up, my whole body buzzing and I need to cum. ?Yeah? Deep?? His mocking words and face make my head spin.May 15thSometimes he?ll pass me in the halls or by the entrance and won?t even acknowledge my presence. I think it?s just to fuck with me. I?ve never felt this way about someone, wanting to constantly slap them and kiss them almost simultaneously.The first time I saw him in the break room he was going on about how it?s hard for straight white men these days Escort Ataşehir and I wanted to jump up out of my comfy chair and throw my Pad Thai to the floor and strangle the life out of him. But then I thought about how close our faces would be if I were strangling him and? it?s all downhill from there.I can?t turn off my feelings for him just like how I can?t pretend I don?t think of him when I see something in the store that reminds me of him. And lots of things remind me of him.May 17th?Let?s try a new position this time,? I say to my boyfriend.?I don?t have the energy. I?ll fuck you properly one of these days,? he says gruffly and spoons me as usual. At least now I don?t have to hide that I?m imagining him instead. He?s sitting on a chair at the other side of the room, watching me getting fucked with that same bemused smile on his face.May 18thI consider wearing pigtails again, just to show him that I?m his whenever he?s ready, but then think better of it.May 19thI want to sayI like you and I think you like me too. I know you have a girlfriend but I think about running off with you all the time.Instead, I sayIt?s really sweet how dedicated you are to your girlfriend. She?s lucky to have you.He responds with something about how it?s so worth it and there?s so much growth to be found in the journey and mwopp mwop mwop. He must know I like him, he must.May 20thHe?s pulling away, I can feel it. I said the wrong thing.