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When I was dressed and ready to leave, Philip came with me to the front door. "Are you sure you won't let me take you?" he asked sadly. I placed my finger on his lips and shook my head. "I have to go or I will miss the bus," I said gently and kissed him. "Please be careful," he answered. I smiled and turned and hobbled down the path. At the gate I stopped and waved, blowing him a kiss. He looked so sad and it really tugged at my heartstrings but I had to do this. As much as I still loved him I had to have my independence. I was like a cat, I just couldn't be caged, I hated it and I had to be free! In the past week my life had changed so drastically I could barely remember how it was. I felt as though I was travelling blindly into disaster. The bus shelter was just a few yard from the house and I perched on what passed for a seat, taking the weight on my good foot. As I waited I considered my options. I had none! So I just sat and waited until, after some minutes, the bus arrived. I stepped on board and paid the driver who was quite surly. I hadn't been on a bus in years and never on crutches! The driver must have lost patience with waiting, for the bus suddenly lurched forward and I lost my balance, falling into the aisle and hitting my shoulder on the hand rail. My head hit the floor with a thump and I lay there in shock. There was uproar from the passengers, all shouting at the driver to stop, which he did, leaving his cab and walking back to me. "She all right?" he asked brusquely to the nearest passenger who had come quickly to my aid. "No thanks to you," came the angry reply, "Where'd you get your licence from, a box of corn flakes?" I was a little shaken but otherwise unhurt and tried to get up. The passenger beside me, a young man, helped me to my feet and onto the nearest seat. "Are you all right?" he asked. "Yes, I think so," I looked around at the faces all staring at me, "Just a little dazed, thank you." My ankle was throbbing a bit but I put that down to the jolt and, after I got the name and address of the driver and some witnesses, the bus continued it's journey. This time, Escort Çukurambar however, it was driven far more smoothly. "Do you have far to go?" the man who had helped me asked. "No, only a few miles," I told him, "I am going to visit my mum." "I am going to the bus station," he continued, "so when you get to your stop I will help you off. You don't want to fall again." "That's very kind of you, erm...." "Kev." "Very kind of you, Kev, thank you." He was about twenty years younger than me, a little overweight and wearing jeans and sweat shirt with a baseball cap. Contrary to his appearance he was a very pleasant young man. "If you don't mind me asking," he said after a few minutes silence, "How did you break your leg?" "I fell at the railway station last week." I didn't really want to tell him any more, didn't want to talk at all but I couldn't be rude to him after he had been so good to me. "Blimey!" he raised his eyebrows, "You are doing well." I smiled. "You don't know the half of it," I told him ruefully. "Do you want to talk about it?" "No, not really." I really didn't and besides, it would take more than a few miles. Nothing more was said for a while until he turned to me and said, "I don't know your name." I thought for a minute before replying. "Anna." "I know the circumstances could be better," he looked at me uncertainly, almost shyly, "But I am very glad to have met you." "Are you? Why?" I asked him, not sure what was coming next as his face began to turn red and he half whispered, "Because you are gorgeous." Now it was my turn to blush and laughed in embarrassment. "That's very kind of you," I said, "but I am twice your age." He shrugged and looked down. "I'm sorry," he paused, "I shouldn't have said that but you are... sorry." I smiled at him as he looked up. "It's Ok, I am flattered, really I am but you need someone nearer to your own age." "No I don't!" he seemed a little put out, "I like women I can talk to. Women who know more than celebrity magazines and Big Brother!" "I'm sorry, I didn't mean..." He didn't let demetevler escort me finish. "No," he interrupted, "I'm sorry." "Look, it's okay," I told him, "I'm not offended. I am flattered but I do have a lot going on at the moment." I reached up and pressed the bell button on the handrail in front of me. I looked at him and saw the concern on his face. "My stop,? I said, "Honestly." And smiled. I waited until the bus had stopped then got to my feet. As I passed the driver he apologised for making me fall. I didn't answer but climbed carefully down to the kerb with a little help from Kev. "Take care," I told him but the doors were already closing and the bus pulled away from the stop. It was only a few yards from the bus stop to my Mum's house and, within a few minutes, I was knocking on her door I was so pleased to see her when she opened the door. She was almost eighty years old and had always been my best friend. Always there for me and always a kind word. My dad had passed away fifteen year ago and the loss hit her hard but she battled on and here she was, with a big smile. ?Anna! What a lovely surprise.? She put her arms out and I stepped inside and put my arms around her. ?I didn?t expect to see you so soon,? she continued, ?How are you? How is your ankle?? ?It's fine,? I tried to sound upbeat, ?Hurts a bit but I suppose that?s to be expected.? ?Come on into the lounge. I?ll put some coffee on. Strong, just how you like it!? She followed behind as I made my way through the doorway and helped me to sit in the old but comfortable armchair my dad used to occupy when he was still alive. I listened to the sounds of her pottering around in the kitchen through the open door, cups and saucers tinkling together, the coffee machine hissing and gurgling and the rustling of the biscuit wrapper. She always had biscuits. They were such comforting sounds. My parents had lived in this house since they were married. It held such happy memories for me. As long as I was in this house I was safe and all my worries seemed so far away. It was only a few dikmen escort bayan short minutes later that Mum reappeared carrying a tray. I had already put up the foldaway coffee table and she placed the tray carefully on it. After making sure I had my coffee and biscuits and was comfortable she sat in the chair she always used and said, ?There. Now, tell me all about it.? I began to talk and told her all about the accident and how good Philip was in looking after me but I didn?t mention Sam. I couldn?t. I knew she wouldn?t be cross with me but she wouldn?t understand. Not just that I was in love with a woman but that I was in love with someone who wasn?t my husband. She had never so much as looked at another man, either before or after my dad?s death, there could never be anyone else for her and that is how she saw Philip and I. Until a week ago, that was how I saw us, never dreaming for a minute there could ever be anyone else. I know I had begun looking at other women and having fantasies about them but I didn?t really think anything would come of it and yet, now... I told her about the dream. Not the details but how it had upset me and I wanted to see her, to reassure myself. When I had finished we sat for a moment in silence. She looked at me intently, over the rim of her tea cup. ?And that?s it?? she said eventually, ?Why you came all this way to see me, without Philip?? ?Yes, why? The dream upset me.? I was a little surprised as she usually accepted everything at face value. ?Anna. I know you. I know you are stubborn and like to be independent but you are not stupid. There is something else, something you have not told me. Whatever it is, it?s hurting you. I can see it in your eyes and it is something you can?t tell your husband?. She paused then frowned, ?Are you having an affair?? I couldn?t hide it. I burst into tears. ?Yes,? I sobbed, ?I am. I?m sorry, Mum, I didn?t mean to, I couldn?t help it. I never wanted to fall in love with her.? ?Her?? Mum?s eyes opened wide, ?Your having an affair with a woman?? I panicked and put my hand to my mouth. I hadn?t intended to say that, it had just slipped out. I nodded slowly, the tears rolling down my cheeks. My Mum put her cup and saucer on the little table and struggled to her feet then came over and put her arm around me. ?Sweetheart,? she said, ?It?s okay. I?m not angry with you. I won?t pretend to understand but you are my little girl.