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I was beginning to get used to this now. My heart had stopped racing when I ventured out the door. I did not examine every approaching face for signs of suspicion, or spend all my concentration on every little detail a women would do unconsciously. I walked onto the bus as a free and independent woman. Never questioning my right to be there. A text message arrived as I watched rows and rows of houses rush past the window. It was Tina. hi sis heard anything from tony yet? Sort of. Meeting today actually. He was very secretive though. Have you spoken to him? I said I would didnt i? im sure its to say hes sorry I dont know. I think he has too hard a time accepting me. thats the old you talking again your a girl now remember I know I am. I just dont think he sees it that way. If anything I hope Im still his friend. Thats all I hope for right now. well see youll always be my sister Her slightly jumbled words moved me. But I was telling the truth. Tony was not a big spender of words. He probably was hoping to mend some of the broken things between us, but I knew he was too freaked out by the recent turn in my life. None of us had expected this. And the joyful time after the wedding was just a prolonged fling. Still, when he suggested we meet up for a drink, all I hoped for was being back where we started. Best friends sharing a pint together at our regular pub. The only difference Escort ankara being me wearing tighter jeans and a bra underneath my shirt. Of course, it was not just any bra. It was the same bra I had been wearing the morning after our wedding. Just in case, I said to myself, thinking about the last time I had been wearing these panties, and how he pulled them down. The bus stopping pulled me out of my day dreams. I noticed the man across from me pull his eyes away as I came back to this world. Had he been eyeing my crotch? I hastily looked down to see if my slight erection was visible through the tight pants. Perhaps he?d see it if he knew. But I doubt it. My confidence was at an all time high these days. I winked at him just before stepping off the bus. He looked longingly at me through the window as the bus took off, mouthing something incoherent I did not care to decipher. The pub looked just the same. I had not been here since the wedding. Much had changed since then, but I was relieved to see there was some constant in my life. The cracked stone on the door step, the slight miscolour on the wall where my friend Jim once threw up. The same squeak from the never before oiled door hinges, and the same narrow, mistrusting eyes behind the bar. And the same old friend sitting in our usual corner. He looked up as I walked through the door. A little too quick, Balgat escort I thought. I instantly smiled and waved at him in return. The barkeeper was already stretching towards the days ago opened anonymous wine bottle as I ordered a stout. Strong and black. He looked questioningly at me before pouring, as if to see if there was still a girl standing here. I gave Tony a big, joyful hug before sitting down opposite him at the table. He always used too much cologne. Not too promising, I though. He?s obviously a bit tense. I was hoping we?d be back to normal. But perhaps it?s what we deserve. I?ve not been a saint either. ?It?s so nice to see you again,? I told him. ?I hope we?re okay.? ?Yes, of course. We?re still the same.? I could see he was trying hard to mean it. ?You won?t believe how glad I am to hear you say that. I know it?s been hard for you, but I promise you I?ll still kick your ass in Quake.? We both laughed a bit, and I felt tension drip away like foam after a bath. Though always some of it would keep clinging to my hair. A few more pints were emptied with ease. An old aquaintance walked by, greeting Tony whilst curiously looking my way. Perhaps he was wondering where he had seen me before, or maybe he was curious about Tony?s pretty date. Either way, I smiled politely and gave him a simple ?hi? before he walked on. ?Do you think he recognized Batıkent escort bayan me?? I asked Tony. ?I haven?t seen Dan in a year or so.? ?I don?t know. He seemed intrigued though. And I can?t blame him. You look wonderful as always.? ?I?m glad to hear. But you didn?t think so last time we met.? I did not want to spoil the good mood by bringing it up, but someone had to acknowledge the elephant eventually. He seemed a bit lost for a moment and swallowed his words more than once. ?I?m sorry to bring that up.? ?No, no. I?m glad you did. I didn?t have the courage. Perhaps I?m having such a good time at the moment, or perhaps I?m just ashamed.? ?Please tell me. I can?t stand the way we parted last.? ?I?ve been thinking about it every hour since then. Was it me? You? Tina? The alcohol? My mind has been going through every detail of that night. And the worst part is seeing your back through the doorway over and over again.? ?So you didn?t mean those words you said?? ?I don?t know what I meant or not. I can?t apologize. Not because I meant what I said, but because I don?t think I even knew what I said.? ?I?m not sure I understand.? ?You know, all this has been very confusing for me.? What was he getting at? I had a hard time making sense of it all. I had a feeling he was trying to say something profound, but did not quite know how to get to the point. Besides, I thought, confusing for him? Did he think I was just floating on a stream, carelessly going along wherever it took me? Confusion was just the teaser. Mental pandemonium would be a better expression. ?I have a sense this will require a change of environment.? He seemed to catch my somewhat annoyed expression.