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XXII - Ted but since I had the proceeds from the sale of our home in Houston (paid off years ago), we were able to make a sizeable down-payment, in both our names.
The result of all this was that we had no money pressures, and with the savings from my investments, the children's educations were pretty much taken care of.
And every night, I get to fall asleep in the arms of the fine man who loves me.
Almost every night. Because there were some nights when I ended up holding that fine man in my arms while he sobbed over the loss of his childhood love. He never apologized for doing it, and he didn't need to. If he wasn't like that, he wouldn't have been the man that I love so much.
And there was the sex.
At first, after Candace's death ...
[ Somehow, saying it that way doesn't sound as grim as "after Candace died." But the reality is still the same, isn't it? ]
Anyhow, after Candace's death, there was no desire for sex. In fact, it was almost six months before we even shared the same bed, and a while after that before we had any kind of sex.
And we had grief sex, and comfort sex, and consoling sex, and even angry-at-the-whole-universe sex once or twice.
But eventually, we found our way to making-love sex.
But after that morning when the children came -- stormed -- into the bedroom, we rediscovered happy, joyous, sexy sex.
It was like a switch had finally been flipped. We went from being a house full of five grieving individuals to being a happy, alive family
* * * * *
Ted and I already knew a lot about each other's bodies, and about what we liked, and about what we really liked. But there were still some new things for us to learn.
Despite our closeness, and our intimacy, and the fact of all the times we'd been together -- okay, all the times we've fucked, plus all the other things we've done with and to each other -- and all the time we've lived together as man and wife and as parents, there were still some things we had to work out.
One of them was our future, as it relates to my past.
"Do you ever miss being with Paul -- James -- and Matt, or want to be with them sometimes?"
This one was easy.
He knew about my time with Matt, after our three weeks together and then Candace coming home and them returning to their "regular" life. And being Ted, he was happy that Lauren had "lent" me her wonderful husband for that time, because Ted and Candace had each other, and I had ... no one, and he was glad that I had someone as fine as Matt to be with at that moment in my life.
But he also knew about the many times before, when I had been with James or Matt -- or both of them -- and he had a good idea of how much I had enjoyed those "interludes." All right -- let's be honest here -- he knew how intensely I had enjoyed all the filthy, nasty, raunchy, and loving things I've done with those two men. But, as I said, this one was easy.
"Darling, I've loved my times with Matt and James, and all the things we did, and I cherish my memories of them. But no, I don't have any need to be with them -- or any other man -- again. You're the man in my life, and you are for the rest of my life."
I hoped that was sufficiently unambiguous to resolve that question for Ted.
He said nothing for a while. Then he asked,
"What about Jane?"
He had me.
Ted was, indeed, all the man I'd ever need. Period. But Janey ...
With Janey, it's complicated, and it's complicated in a way I'm not sure even I understand. First, I'm not really into women. I mean, I've had sex with a lot of women, and had more sex when women were present, but I was never actually attracted to women, sexually. In fact, in the past five years, I've only had sex with two women -- Janey and Candace. [ I don't count the first night when James and I were together and Lauren was there with us and I helped her "join in" our coming together.]
And with Candace -- it wasn't really for the sex. It was about sharing, and happiness, and, as it later turned out, about ... "bonding" is the closest I can come to it. [To this day, Ted and I still don't know if Candace had some premonition about ... about what was to come, and she somehow knew that it was important that Ted and I bonded -- that the three of us were bound together, and that experience was a strong part of it.]
But with Janey ...
It's just pure, unadulterated lust, and in a way I can't explain. Of all the times I've been with women, Jane is the only one I've ever been attracted to, sexually. Part of it, of course, is that she has an insanely sexy body, coupled with a wonderfully creative, nasty, filthy mind. So I guess you could say Niğde Escort that that's the rational part of the answer. But part of it -- there's this thing between her and me. I've thought about it, and what I think is, I think she's the one who has this need for me, but she gives off these ... signals ... that make me almost ... powerless in wanting to satisfy these needs of hers.
Ted watched me as I went through this series of thoughts.
Finally, I had to speak. "Yes. Jane ..." I found myself unable to organize my thoughts any further,
"... but I don't think I can talk about it right now."
It wasn't until two days later that I felt prepared to talk with Ted again about other people. And by "other people," I mean Jane.
"Darling, I owe you an answer. Several days ago you asked me if I'd ever want to be with Jane sometimes. Well, the answer is ... yes, I would.
"Darling, I hope that doesn't hurt you -- you know I'd never, ever do anything to hurt you. I love you, and you're the reason for my life. But if I'm going to be honest with you, sex with Jane is like nothing else. I don't mean that it's 'better' than anything else. What I mean is, it's completely different from the other sexual experiences I've had.
"So,... I can live without Jane -- and live very happily and fulfilled -- but if I'm being honest with you, then yes, I'd like to be with Jane.
I was terrified -- terrified that this beautiful man, this man who I loved with all my heart and who was my very reason for being -- would be hurt by this admission. Or, at the very least, be disappointed in me.
But this was Ted, and he loved me and wanted my happiness every bit as much as I wanted his. And as usual, he took the time to think things over, then said, "If being with Jane is something that you'd really miss, if it's something that we can't do for each other, then I want you to. I never want you to have to sacrifice anything because of me." He paused again. "But how ...?"
This was something I had tried to think through, too. If I leveled with Ted, and if he ... well, if he said yes ... what then? And I thought, and thought, and thought.
And I came to a surprising realization: That every time I've had sex with Jane, there's always been a man present -- Ben, or James, or Matt, and sometimes both James and Matt. And as I replayed those sessions in my mind (and it was delicious to recall those occasions -- I'm getting wet just thinking of them), I came to the conclusion that the excitement for Jane was performing for the men -- that the main purpose of her filthy behavior was to excite guys. Janey was the porn star, putting on a show to turn men on.
Now, how to explain this to Ted -- and what it means for anything with Jane in the future. Well, the best approach with Ted is usually the direct one.
I told Ted the conclusion I had come to -- that Jane needs a male audience to bring out this side of her.
"So ... Ben would have to be there ...?"
"No, Darling -- you."
It took a moment for Ted to realize what I was saying, and another moment to see the implications. "So, I'd have to have sex with Jane?"
"No, Darling, you wouldn't have to. The important thing is that you're there with us.
"But if you wanted to ..."
I watched Ted, and I swear, he actually gulped, as he all of a sudden became aware of the possibilities. I have to admit, I found the possibilities to be pretty exciting, myself.
"I think you should have some time to think about all of this. Take as much time as you want, ask me anything you can think of. We have lots of time to decide if we really want to do this, and what would be the best way." And then, "I love you, Ted, and you know that I'll never let anything happen that's not right for you -- for both of us."
We didn't say anything more about the subject for almost a week. Then, one night in bed, after we had just pulled up the covers and turned out the lights, Ted said, "Yes. I mean, yes, I want to be there with you and Jane when you ... when you ...," and he kind of trailed off.
"Is there anything you want to ask? Or anything you're not sure about with this?"
"No, I think I'm good with it -- all of it."
"When would you like to do this?"
"Now that I've made up my mind, I think sooner would be better than later. Is that OK with you, Georgia?"
"Whenever it feels right for you. If 'soon' is good, we'll do it soon." Then, "I love you, Ted."
We lay there, awake, not saying anything more for a while, until Ted said,
"Georgia?"
"Yes, Love."
"I think I'm kind of excited about this."
* * * * *
And that's how, the following Saturday night, Niğde Escort Bayan we found ourselves telling the children that we would be going over to Aunt Jane's and Uncle Ben's for the evening and might not be back until late. If they had any questions about this uncharacteristic announcement, they had the good grace not to ask anything, although Caleen did give me a curious "What's going on ...?" look.
We walked across our cul-de-sac to "the big house." I have to admit it -- there were a whole lot of butterflies fluttering around in my stomach. Butterflies concerning how Ted would react, and butterflies from excitement over what I knew what would be coming this evening.
Ted had to be nervous, too, but there's no way I could tell. Ted is so steady and solid, he could be in a state of total panic and you'd never notice a thing out of the ordinary.
We rang the bell. My granddaughter opened the door and gave us both big hugs and kisses, then said, "So, you're going to see Jane tonight?"
Her simple greeting spoke volumes. There was only one reason Ted and I would be coming to see Jane and not everyone else.
I don't know if she knew anything specific, or if she simply put two and two together and, knowing Jane, had a pretty good idea of just exactly why we would be visiting, and how we would "visit." But, of course, she didn't say or do anything that might make us uncomfortable.
Jane heard the doorbell and came to meet us. Affectionate kisses all around. Then Matthew came out to join us, and my granddaughter (wisely) suggested that we all have a drink in the living room.
I don't think Ted ever "needed" a drink in his life, but I'm pretty sure he appreciated this one, now. I know I certainly did. My concern over Ted was competing with my excitement about what I knew was going to be happening in just a few minutes. And my granddaughter, wisely, had been generous with the alcohol when she poured our drinks.
We talked the usual family talk for a while -- kids, work, projects, weekend plans -- but finally Lauren and Matthew graciously excused themselves to do other things, leaving Ted and me alone there, with Jane.
As soon as Matt and Lauren were gone, Jane simply said, "Shall we go someplace more private?" She put down her drink and we put down ours, and we followed her into her bedroom.
As she closed the door, she casually mentioned, "Ben's spending the night with his mother and Paul."

My mind immediately went to picturing Ben's lovely Eurasian mother being pounded by James and her hunky son. I think because she is so elegantly beautiful, and rather reserved compared to the rest of us, I want to imagine her in the most lascivious, outrageous situations -- being pounded by two, three, or even four men, or maybe the object of a B